The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
