i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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