Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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