you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
