i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A+ Viking dick
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
