You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
