my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
