Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
