I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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