Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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