went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I won the penis lottery.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my shit smells like andre
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
