i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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