I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
