I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
third nipple confirmed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
