She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize