No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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