You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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