i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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