He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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