Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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