i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize