Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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