everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
