I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
