he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
