I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
