These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
