When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
