I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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