i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
