In the future we'll all be gay
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
