I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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