So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize