she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
