ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
