I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
