I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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