just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
