Cold hands, warm shart.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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