MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
