Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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