two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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