haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
