i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
