i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
