just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
