my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
