a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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