we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Welp...herpes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
