roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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