Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
