As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dick very happy bro
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
