Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
