we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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