And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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