Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
