i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
