fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
