just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
