What a fucking waste of an outfit
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
