video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize