proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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