We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
