some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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