I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
