i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
