i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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